A Real Phone Conversation With Jensen's Jewelers

So I got a little catalog in the mailbox last night. It was for Jensen's Jewelers. It was sixteen large, full color, high-glossy pages of ads. The crappy mass-produced little overpriced pieces of carbon they were advertising were just as ugly as sin. Normally I'd just toss it, but lately I've been politely calling the companies that send me junk mail and asking them to please remove my address from their mailing list. Usually they're quite friendly about it, since it does save them a little money and people are generally nice if you're nice to them first.


(ONLY THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!)

I have a few reasons for taking the trouble to stop the junk mail.

The ads are annoying to me, they show me things I don't want and am not interested in.

Or sometimes they show me things that I do want but cannot afford, which makes me sad.

Sometimes I'm expecting something specific in the mail and then I see something in my mailbox and am momentarily excited only to realize that it's junk mail. Then I am sad.

Sometimes I bring them inside and they end up making more clutter.

Usually I just throw them away in the dumpster before I get back inside and I think to myself, "What a waste of resources." There's the trees, the paper, the printing, the ink, the transportation on trucks on the interstate, the mailman, etc. Just a big waste of time and energy. I don't want to have to feel semi-guilty for it.

Mostly, though, I just don't want the advertisements in my life. I don't want their little colored pieces of paper constantly reminding me and bringing me back to their stores and their sales in my mind. I have the right to not think about Target or Rent-A-Center or Walgreens if I don't want to think about them.

If I want to live a sheltered life, disconnected from corporate ads, should I not be allowed? Even if I live in a town and use the Postal Service, should I not be allowed to disconnect myself from their ads? 

I realize that in most public places, ads have become the norm and that I will have to suffer through them. But when I'm at home, I think I have the right to not be advertised to unless I choose to be. And I typically do not choose to be.

Soooooo,

There was no 1-800 number listed on the catalog so I called the Jensen Jewelers in Rexburg and asked them if they could help me get my address off the mailing list. They gave me a number for their corporate offices in Twin Falls, Idaho. I called them and explained what I wanted to do. The lady I spoke to sounded baffled but said she'd put me through to the right department.

Here's a transcript of the actual call--

Me: I'm not sure if this is the right number to call or not, but I'd like to get my address removed from the mailing list.

Jensen Jewelers: Okay, well can you give me your account number?

Me: I don't have an account.

Jensen Jewelers: What's the name the account is associated with. We can look it up that way.

Me: I actually don't have an account with Jensen's Jewelers. I was calling to get my address removed from the advertising mailing list.

Jensen Jewelers: Oh-- There's no way to do that, sir.

Me: There's no way?

Jensen Jewelers: Those are just ads-- Are they bothering you that much?

Me: It's not that they bother me, I just don't like receiving advertisements in my mailbox that I didn't ask for, and I think they're a waste of time and paper. I'd just like to not--

Jensen Jewelers:  --Well you can't remove your name from that list.

Me: Is there some kind of do-not-mail list I could add my address to?

Jensen Jewelers: No, there's not. Maybe if you gave me the name on the ad I could look up that person's account...

Me: There is no name on the ad. It just says "resident."

Jensen Jewelers: (derisive snort) Well, that's just... Ugh... That means everyone gets one!

Me: Maybe someone else might know who I could call. Could you point me in the right direction, maybe?

Jensen Jewelers: Sir, there's no way to remove your name from the mailing list. Those just get sent out to everyone.

Me: Is there a supervisor that I could speak with?

Jensen Jewelers: Sir, my supervisor is just going to tell you the same thing. We have no power over who gets those ads. Everyone gets those ads.

Me: May I speak with your supervisor anyway?

(puts me on hold)

Jensen Jewelers: Sir, I spoke with my supervisor and he's currently on a call. He said he will call you back.

Me: I just thought of something: do you distribute your ads through some other company? Like some mailing company? Maybe I could get ahold of them directly.

Jensen Jewelers: No, we send out the ads ourselves. We just don't have any power over who gets the ads.

Me: Okay then. Thanks for your help.
 
(click)


She hung up on me.


So the the tone I got from this woman was that I was making a totally unreasonable request. Impossible! This is just impossible! I could have asked to please speak with President Obama regarding the upcoming summit between Earth and the alien-people of star system Rigel-14 which would be taking place in the local Rexburg Kentucky Fried Chicken men's bathroom and I would have received the same reaction from this woman.


I wish I could have captured the tone of her voice as she remarked, dripping with annoyance and venom, "Are they bothering you THAT much?"


Funny choice of words, actually. The fact that she added "THAT much" meant that she understood that advertisements to be implicitly bothersome. If she really was surprised to hear that the ads were bothering someone, wouldn't she have just asked "Are the ads bothering you?" But no, she asked "Are the ads bothering you THAT MUCH?"

So what the hell is the problem, lady? You've just admitted to me that your crappy junk mail is an annoyance I could do without. I made the effort to call and act totally polite and civil. Why treat me like you just found I raped and murdered your grandmother?