Bewbs in School

Just read this jaw-droppingly stupid story from the Philadelphia Inquirer. Apparently there were two girls in a Philadelphia middle school who wore large bracelets that said "I Love Boobies" in an effort to raise awareness for breast cancer. The school banned the bracelets and told them to stop wearing them, which they didn't. They were subsequently suspended for a day. Their parents then brought a lawsuit against the school, alleging that it was a freedom of speech issue.

Stupidly, U.S. District Judge Mary A. McLaughlin decreed that the school was in the wrong and the girls did indeed have a right to wear their boobs bracelets.

Some random internet comments made by random internet people regarding this article:

I'm pretty sure Middle-School boys already know what boobies are. You're a little late to be shielding them. ;3

(The person who wrote this comment really is as stupid a jackass as they sound. And that little emoticon at the end just makes you want to rip their eyeballs out, so that doesn't help. They assume the reason for banning the bracelets was to shield boys from the existence of breasts, when in actuality, the bracelets were banned because they affected boys and girls in the formative stages of adolescence by creating a completely unnecessarily sexualized environment. The bracelets used a sort of double entendre to shock and titillate the reader into going to the foundation's web site on breast cancer awareness. Girls with small breasts, girls with big breasts, fat girls, chubby girls, and shy girls already have enough intense scrutiny placed on their bodies by the world around them. Ironic bracelets aren't helping.)

Finally....a win for rights and free speech.

(YES. AT LAST. Finally, these middle-schoolers have been granted the God-given freedom to SPEAK THEIR MINDS THROUGH LEWD BRACELETS ENDORSED BY ACTUAL PORN STARS AND THAT YOU CAN PURCHASE AT TRUCK STOPS. Now if only we could lift the FASCIST ban on drawing penises on the bathroom walls, and let these kids get into some REAL SELF EXPRESSION.)

 

Anyone that thinks breast cancer should be hidden away is not suitable to work in our name.

A pox on the school district and attorney.

(Thank you, medieval wizard! Shouldn't we also curse their crops and firstborn children, though? By the way, retard, the opposition never said that breast cancer awareness was unacceptable. If these girls had worn bracelets that said "Breast Cancer Awareness" or even "Keep 'Abreast' With Cancer Awareness" there would have been no problem. But yes, let's present this straw man as an argument and attack IT instead.)

But seriously, these internet commenters and those who agree with them are actually too stupid to breed. It's immoral to allow them to have children. It's the same reason we don't typically let people with Down Syndrome become parents. It's just wrong.

I wish I were a teenage student at this middle school. Because if those two girls could get away with wearing bracelets that say "I love boobies," then why not take it to its logical conclusion? The judge said using the phrase "I love boobies" can "reasonably be viewed as speech designed to raise awareness of breast cancer and to reduce the stigma associated with openly discussing breast health..." Here are some shirts I would design to "raise awareness" of other diseases and conditions that have "stigmas" attached to them.

First, why stop at "I Love Boobies"? That's childish and stupid. This slogan will emphasize the need of breast care while utilizing more mature terminology:

And why should it be the girls who have all the fun? Boys' lives are also deeply affected by the ravages of breast cancer, from moms, grandmothers, aunts, etc. Boys have just as much incentive to promote breast cancer awareness:

And even better, why not get the boys to take an active role in breast cancer screening through some gentle encouragement:

In fact, these catchy t-shirts can really be a force for good! For example, you can print the name and number of a local women's health clinic with a catchy slogan:

And you know, slogans don't have to be used just to promote awareness of diseases, either. For instance, you could promote healthy child-rearing practices by spreading the word and removing the stigma regarding the nursing of infants:

Who says these slogans have to limited to women's issues? PETA could use a slogan to spread the awareness of the humane treatment of poultry:

Or to spread the awareness of animal cruelty to felines:

Middle-schoolers are obviously not too young to start being made aware of men's health issues, too; especially ones that have a horrible stigma attached to them, such as colon cancer:

Prostate cancer:

If you think about it, you can use helpful slogans to remind people about lots of things that have stigmas attached to them, especially things that teenagers tend to not think about too much such as keeping yourself hydrated in hot weather:

Okay, okay. I'll stop.