Magic Underwear / Pearls Before Swine

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is sometimes known as being Mormon, because we believe The Book of Mormon to be holy scripture along with the Bible.

Mormonism isn't the best understood religion in the world. I think we're somewhere between Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists when it comes to misconceptions, but I've learned to cope with this problem. Being misunderstood by the world is a universal part of Mormon culture.

Mormons have been ridiculed for their beliefs since the day Joseph Smith claimed to have met God and Jesus Christ. We consider ourselves Christian but other Christians mock our beliefs. This gives us a unique perspective on the world. Where other Christian denominations can show solidarity, we are excluded. We're the weird ones.

In my experience, most Latter-day Saints in the U.S. consider themselves conservative and Republican when it comes to politicals. The irony in this is that so many other Republicans and conservatives don't trust or like Mormons. Mitt Romney is a great example of this phenomenon. I'm no Republican, but can you imagine there being any controversy over Mitt Romney if he were some other generic Protestant? He would be hailed as the second coming of Ronald Reagan! Sure, he appears to be well-liked but there's still a lot of apprehension about him. I know it's all because Mormons believe in that crazy Joseph Smith.

That's not all, though. We also don't believe that God the Father and Jesus are the same being. We don't believe the Bible (or the Book of Mormon) is the be-all, end-all of God's word or that it contains everything we would ever need to know about life and the universe. We believe that there are many sacred books in the world written by inspired prophets. The Bible and the Book of Mormon are two collections of these books, but there are many more out there that we don't even know about. We don't believe that any one book contains everything there is to know about God. We believe in personal revelation from God. We believe that we will get to live with God again someday, inherit all that he has, and eventually learn to become like him. We base these beliefs on our interpretation of sacred books but also on the teachings of men we believe to be modern prophets.

These claims are all deeply offensive to many "mainstream" Christians, and so we are rejected by them. Our outlandish claims don't end there, though. We also believe alcohol and other recreational drugs are morally wrong. We believe all sex outside of  marriage is morally wrong. We believe that homosexual activity is morally wrong. Because we feel that some natural human impulses are morally wrong we are labeled as close-minded hatemongers by the other side of the spectrum, namely, atheists, agnostics, hedonists, "free thinkers," nihilists and so forth.  In short, we are friendless outcasts in this world. Our beliefs offend the religious and the agnostic, liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans. At best we are tolerated by institutions that think they will get our votes or financial support; at worst we are ridiculed and accused of every conceivable evil.

Some might say that the early Latter-day Saint practice of plural marriage is what makes people anxious about the religion, but, as it has been repeated ad nauseam for over a century, the church abolished this practice in 1898. If we held the Republican party or the Catholic church to the same standard as the Church of Jesus Christ then we should be recalling the stuff they were doing in 1898 every time we mention them. We'd have to bring up segregation, racism, the fact that women couldn't vote, the robber barons, etc. There's a lot more I could say on this subject, but I am going to leave it for now in favor of a different topic that's been on my mind.

There is one LDS belief that every group mocks in unison. All the hatred and vitriol against Mormons can be summed up in it. I am, of course, referring to our practice of wearing "magic underwear."

From the Public Relations office of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

Like members of many religious faiths, Latter-day Saints wear religious clothing. But members of other faiths — typically those involved in permanent pastoral ministries or religious services — usually wear religious garments as outer ceremonial vestments or symbols of recognition. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, garments are worn beneath street clothing as a personal and private reminder of commitments to God.

Garments are considered sacred by Church members and are not regarded as a topic for casual conversation.

Just so everyone is aware, the term "magic underwear" is deeply offensive. I doubt this fact will change anyone's mind about employing the term as a lazy joke, since the kind of people who use the term do not typically care about concepts such as "sanctity," "holiness," or "reverence," but I thought I'd make it clear all the same. That term is made up of two mocking words that are not our own. Mormons don't normally refer to their underclothing as "underwear." Underwear is a juvenile, silly word. It's also a sexualized word. It's a blunt and coarse word. It's a word that used to be inappropriate years ago, and was therefore not said in polite company. Words like "underthings" "unmentionables" "lingerie" "shorts" "intimates" and "drawers" were historically used as a polite alternative to "underwear." "Underwear" is used in this term to demean us. It is to mock the fact that we believe our religious attire is somehow different from the Hanes briefs and dollar-store thongs the rest of America is wearing.

Then there's "magic." If that word implies some kind of impossible power that cannot be explained, then one could say that Jesus healed people through the use of "magic." In the same way, one could say that any unexplained phenomena in the universe is "magic." Dark matter is magic. The evolution of DNA is magic. The Big Bang is magic. But nobody uses "magic" in this way. Magic is associated with superstition and ignorance. Children and tribal cultures believe in magic. Enlightened people know better. Mormons believe that some things are sacred, but we do not believe in magic. The people who use the term against us know this. They know we don't believe in magic. They only use the word magic because they choose to not understand the concept of sanctity. They hold nothing sacred. There is no God to them, no afterlife, no salvation, no ultimate point to reality, nothing. They believe we are all just intelligent animals and that our achievements upon this earth are the only useful thing in the universe. There is nothing greater than this world in their eyes, and there is nothing that exists unless they can immediately perceive it. There is no room for the sacred or the holy in their world-view.

When the adjective "magic" is added to an object, it imbues the object with its own power. When we partake of bread and water on Sundays, we do not say that these items are "magical." In fact, the prayer over the Sacrament says we "bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it" (emphasis mine). The bread becomes blessed and sanctified only when it is partaken of by someone who has made the covenants. Anyone can eat the Sacramental bread. You can be a raging atheist and partake if you'd like. It means nothing until it is "eat[en] in remembrance of the body of thy Son." My point is that we don't believe the bread itself is magical or that it has healing powers or special properties. We believe that we the people are the ones that sanctify things. The bread is sanctified by the Priesthood, who act in behalf of God. Without their action, no sanctification takes place. And even then, just because someone blesses the bread it doesn't make it blessed until the bread is eaten by someone who partakes of it worthily.

The same can be said of the sacred garments. They are not magical objects. They hold no power in and of themselves. We consider them sacred. Their power is manifested when they are worn worthily by those who have made covenants with God. The church stresses that they are personal and private "reminders." Harry Potter's wand is magical. The ring from Lord of the Rings is magical. The garments are sacred.

***

In order to educate and enlighten, I thought I'd post some links to various Wikipedia articles on the sacred undergarments of other religions. I find it telling that nobody makes fun of Orthodox Jews for wearing "magic underwear" (although they do get made fun of for many other things). But I can't even imagine the backlash if someone went around with a sign saying "USE YOUR MAGIC UNDERWEAR FOR GOOD!" at a Synagogue on national television. But the same thing happens when Mormons are in the news all the time, and it's generally understood as "hilarious" or "just a bit of fun."

So here's a handy guide to either understanding other religious beliefs or spewing bitter hatred on other religious beliefs because "they're weird." Use this information for good!

The Jewish Tallit Katan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tallit_katan

Orthodox Jews wear it like a T-shirt under their clothing. Highly observant Jews will not take four steps without wearing it because it is a commandment to wear it at all times.

The Sikh Kachchhera

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kachchhera

The Muslim Ihram

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ihram_clothing

Japanese Hadajuban "skin"

http://www.kekkonshiki.org/bride.asp

The Buddhist Antaravasaka

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antaravasaka

Article about Buddhist robes:

http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma10/robe.html

Mennonites:

http://www.mennonitemaiden.com/unmentionables1.html

Further reading: 

A wonderful article by Hugh Nibley on the nature of "Sacred Vestments"

http://maxwellinstitute.byu.edu/publications/books/?bookid=103&chapid=1149